This post is a very intimate experience, the past week has been the most amazing week in my life so far and I thought I will write about it. The BMW in the text stands for the BIG MIND WORLD(you’ll understand as you read it ), however I have attempted to write my experience so that you can relate it to the car also 😀 . Two people are in conversation with me in this text (again I hope you’ll understand as you read ). So here goes :
It was decided that starting Monday, Mr.Kulpreeth singh will go to his project lab every day and sit there from 9:00 am to 12:00 noon & 2:00 pm to 5:00 pm, work on the first phase of his project and get it done by Saturday, the word “work” meant that he will switch off his mobile for the duration of the lab and also whole heartedly put his whole existence into the project for the duration of the lab. Rest of the day Mr. Kulpreeth singh was free to do whatever he would like to do.
Scared if I would be able to stand up to the challenge or not ( thinking of the guilt that would come on failing) I closed my eyes and sleep took over.
Day 1: I SAW THE BMW: Monday . The day started with short sudarshan kriya and om namah shivaya chanting. I reached lab sharp at 9 and was on the job. The mobile was switched off and I had kept my watch aside. Before I knew it the lab assistant announced that we could leave the lab. It was 11:45 already. Extremely happy about being able to stand up to my word , lunch happened in high spirits. Now as I had over eaten, sleep came. I had one hour to go before the next lab session. I set an alarm for half an hour and was asleep before I knew it. The alarm rang, out of habit I switched it off and then the conversation started.
Small mind : “Anyway you are not getting attendance for this afternoon lab, why do you want to go, you worked hard in the morning na, sleep now , if you work only for three hours for the whole week your project will be over.”
BIG MIND: “ YOU DECIDED THAT YOU’LL GO FOR BOTH THE LABS,WAKE UP! AND GO!”.
I told “ Ok I will go ” to the big mind ,I was awake , washed my face and in ten minutes I reached the lab and what followed was another session of three hours of project work. At the end of the day I felt proud of myself to have listened to the big mind.
Day 2: I ENTERED THE BMW : Tuesday. The day started as usual with Kriya and Om Namah Shivaya. Today I felt more confident about the day ahead , thinking it will be just like yesterday or even better! But I was in for a rude shock. Attachements and lust have had a very strong hold on me in the past. Today Mr. Kama came and attacked me.
Intimate and explicit images swam through my mind while I was doing Sudarshan kriya. I saw Naked women, half naked women, men and women ( doing you know what ). Somehow I was done with my kriya and Om namah Shivaya. When I opened my eyes I thought about what happened during the kriya. The memories were back and some tingling sensation rose from somewhere near the base of my spine. It was travelling upwards. I could feel butterflies all through my spine rising. When the sensation reached my head, it started buzzing. Then again the conversation started.
Small mind: “ Come on , having sex or masturbating is completely natural , the dictionary says that masturbation is satisfying your sexual needs in the absence of a partner. Since you don’t have a partner and nobody in the world will tell you that sex is wrong, go ahead, do it!”
BIG MIND: “IF YOU MASTURBATE NOW, YOU’LL FEEL GUILTY OF DOING IT. IT HAS BROUGHT YOU LOT OF GUILT IN THE PAST. IT WILL STOP YOU FROM WHOLE HEARTEDLY WORKING IN THE LAB. GET OVER IT!”
The moment I told myself I will get over it. The feeling went and I was on my way to the lab for yet another day of hard work. Never before had I been able to overcome my sexual urges but that day I did. Self-confidence dawned and as a result productivity increased and I worked more in the lab. That day during the lunch break again the conversation started
Small mind: “ There is aloo-gobi today looks very tasty , have another serving of it “
BIG MIND : “ YESTERDAY YOU SLEPT DUE TO OVER EATING , EAT HOW MUCH IS NECESSARY, NOTHING MORE THAN THAT!”
I ate light had a short nap after that ( just 20 mins) and did not feel sleepy at all for the rest of the afternoon. However during the lunch break Mr.Kama came again and this time there was no conversation. I got over powered and clicked on a porn video on my roomy’s laptop.
” SHUT IT DOWN YOU IDIOT! ” roared the BIG MIND.
Before any video or audio could start ( thanks to the slowness of the laptop) I had closed it. I felt it was something to be proud of and went for the afternoon session of the lab. Work went on as usual and left me totally happy at the end of the day.
Day 3 : World from within the BMW: Wednesday.
Now that sex had lost its grip on me ( or I thought it did) , When I woke up on Tuesday morning I did not know what obstacle would come today “may be today i’ll have to fight with attachements” I thought . The moment I thought this the big mind said “WHATEVER COMES YOU’LL BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT, DON’T WORRY.” With this happy thought I had a blissful kriya and Om namah Shivaya. The morning sessions went without any obstacle. However in the afternoon it was decided that we I was to go for dinner with some of my telugu friends who had come back from home( with sweets 😀 ) , the time and place for the dinner was arranged and while I was on my way for the dinner I get a call from one of my best friends . He says “ Bhaiya where are you, will you come for dinner with us?” I tell him that I am going out with other friends, he says ” you should have told , I would also have come, I said come now we have not yet reached the place”, he said “ I have come to another place for eating and we already ordered food , you carry on bhaiya.”
The conversation started again:
Small mind: “ He is your best friend, already you get very little time with him , always you are the one who calls him for spending time with you and he is busy , today he called you and you refused, lie to the telugu gang and make some excuse and go spend time with him. You’ll anyway meet the telugu gang when you go back home but you might not get to meet him after you leave.”
BIG MIND : “ ITS JUST ATTACHEMENT ! IT WILL BRING PAIN EVENTUALLY! PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU WILL STAY IN YOUR LIFE WHERE EVER YOU ARE , PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO MOVE ON WILL MOVE ON AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. SO SHUT UP! AND GO FOR DINNER AS PLANNED. IF YOUR BEST FRIEND CALLED YOU FOR DINNER , YOU CAN ARRANGE FOR IT TOMORROW, ASK HIM FOR TOMORROW, HE WILL COME.”
After listening to this perspective of the BMW I was pondering as to how much time I have wasted being attached to people and how many lies I have said in order to spend time with someone ,sometimes I also broke people’sheart . From that moment onwards I was looking at everything in the world through my BMW. My BMW had adopted me and I got this feeling that nothing can shake me now that I have secured a place in the BMW. I asked my best friend for dinner next day he agreed and without feeling happy or sad or anything about it, I went to bed. Yay! Mr.Attachement had left me.
With Sex and attachement gone I felt that there is nothing more left to conquer in life , but little did I know that next day I was going to be tossed out of my BMW.
Day 4 : The day I almost got thrown out of the BMW :
Will continue tomorrow 😀
Lots of love