For all those who don’t know , the owner of this blog( me ) has graduated ( applause ! ) . After a pain staking four years of engineering that I have somehow managed to glide through , my hope that life would be easy from now on was crushed even before it arose. The difficult part started when thoughts of leaving manipal entered my empty mind. As I loaded my suitcase with all my belongings , my heart also became heavy simultaneously. I took a moment off my packing , looked around my room ,shed a tear ( two years I had spent in the room ) , then consoling myself that I will be fine when I am back home , I started packing again. The next day was the day of leaving and manipal showed me the best weather ever , as though telling me to bid it farewell with a smile. There was cold wind, rain , sun , also wind rain and sun were there simultaneously for sometime , I also saw TWO rainbows. All this lovely weather reminded me of the smoke-and-traffic-torture I was to face in the city , sadness was swelling up within as I waited for my bus to arrive. There were 10 people who came to see me off . When they looked into my eyes from time to time , grief reached an alarming level ( communication without words was happening ) ,I thought tears would come (but I had promised myself I would not cry) . It started pouring heavily the moment my bus arrived, I ran towards the bus , my farewell convoy followed. When I reached the bus I started hugging everyone bye bye ( skillfully avoiding to meet their eyes lest I knew the tears would some for sure now ) . After that I quickly boarded the bus and stood at the door , I looked back at them all , for one last time , ” take care ” , ” bye bye ” some were telling . The door closed and I reached the window. One of my friends was still standing waving at me till the bus went out of sight, my promise broke , one tear had dropped down one of my eyes , while the other from the left was just about to drop. I reached my seat and closed my eyes , the tears stopped. I had no phone for the whole of the journey. Desperate to talk to someone I took my neighbour’s phone and smsed some of my friends whom I had just left. Tears act like sleep potion to me , so after the tear session followed 13 hours of sleep. This was the first time I had slept in a bus for so long , when I woke up there was a terrible pain in my knees , lack of movement I thought. Then came hyderabad, the general lack of greenery and the crowded streets welcomed me. I was not happy , but thought when I see my mom I will be happy. Come home , come mom , come good food in front of me , but happiness did not come. I told myself not to be an emotional fool and went along with the flow of things. That evening followed a series of events ( private and confidential ! ) which led to extreme depression. Now having cleared engineering I still did not have a job and in general no idea about what I wanted to do next. So I had to face anxious and worried looks from parents , relatives and in general anyone who came to know that I am a graduate now. ( What next ? What now ? are being bombarded on me). After 4 years of engineering can I not have 4 hours of peace ? I thought .
I knew it the moment I left manipal that life from now on would change. I could no longer bask in the glow of my lovely friends , I had to decide what direction my life has to take now . Of one thing I had become very sure, anything I do from now on will be my decision , I will not come under pressure or force of anyone to decide how to lead my life. Let the whole world go right , if my gut feeling says go left I WILL GO LEFT and take total responsibility of whatever happens after that ( Yay! I am growing up 😀 ). I am still deciding on what to become and what not to become, I want all who are reading this line to take 5 seconds off their busy schedule RIGHT NOW ! and pray that my gut feeling tells me the right thing. Your 5 seconds can make my life 😀 . While the fear of the unknown world I am entering lingers on my forehead. I observe the changes manifesting around me with an anxiety as to what changes will these changes bring in me , sincerely speaking I am thouroughly scared !
SHOW OVER . POST FINISHED !
If you are wondering as to why I have named the post as handkerchief , of all the changes that have come in my life till now after leaving manipal , the most important one is that I have started keeping a handkerchief with me all the time. To understand the importance of this sentence you must know that before graduating I managed to lose excatly 32 handkerchiefs in 4 years, all brand new ones , lost when I took them out of the box first time, they just used to go away! Also I was a wipe-your-mouth-on-the-sleeve category human. I used to think managing to keep a handkerchief as extreme poshness and show off. To name a few my dad , my best friend and many other people who the world takes notice of keep a handkerchief. Now I have also accepted the handkerchief as a part of my life. Now when ever something changes around me I just see if I still have the handkerchief in the pocket. This handkerchief has become the non changing aspect of my now rapidly changing life . It reminds me of the change , of the life I have to live , also it wipes off dirt and unwanted things off my face ( there is also a gyaan perspective to this handkerchief but I would not like to write it here, those who know they know even without my saying and those who do not know they will not know even by my words… haha ) .
Lots of love