What am I here for ?

Life begins with a smile, a small child cries when it is hungry or when the diaper needs changing. Rest of the time it does’nt care much about the world.

Slowly it starts to crawl being amazed by every object that catches its attention. In this phase of life too it cries only when it gets hurt or wants to attract attention or when it is uncomfortable.

Then comes school where the lower kinder garden is full of energy, so many activities to do, here too our life is more or less sorted. Get dressed, go play in the room with other kids, eat food , go home!

A little later when the class begin to grow in number. Our worries also grow in proportion. Some common examples be like, I want this new toy, my homework is not done, I lost my sharpner, getting report card signed by parents etc . Look back in your life when either or some other of these events happened, you thought the world around you has broken down into pieces. I remember one year in school I lost 4 pair of sport shoes in a span of 6 months . After the 4th pair I was so terrified to go back home that I was sitting on the bus stop crying and not having the courage to face my mom to tell her that I lost the shoes AGAIN!

However, life does go on and we come to college. Here we have a totally new set of things which wipe the smile off our face. We have hair growing on our body in parts other than the head, someone we like does not like us back, curiosity to try things like alcohol and tobacco , getting a job which pays enough money to buy the your dream gadget. All these things catch our attention and we get so caught up in them that this teen age drama takes up most of our time and before you know it you are 24 or 25.

At this stage you have a job , a life with maybe more freedom than before, also you have bills to pay, bosses to answer to , expenses to be done on a daily/monthly/yearly basis. For a few months in the beginning you like the freedom, you like the figure in the bank account, you make all your travel plans and also go for a few of them. For some time life seems smooth.

Then comes this phase where you start to think “is this really what I want from my life!!!” Some people call this a midlife crisis, thoughts like , I dont know where my life is headed , I dont know if this is what I want to do for ever, maybe that other career option wil work out for me etc etc make home in your mind, and you are utterly confused.

Till here is what I have seen and experienced life , it would not be correct for me to write about the later stages of life before I live them myself.

While most of our life goes in reeling in this whirlpool of should I do this or should I not do this. There are a bunch of people that I have met who are very clear about what they want to do.

Even I have been clear about what I want to do for brief amounts of time in my life, but for me it kept changing till I found the answer. There is no trick or formula to find out. Just keep asking yourself this question ” What am I here for?”

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Sometimes it can be very frustrating to ask this to yourself and you might just get no answer. But the goal is not in the answer, the goal is in asking yourself this from time to time 🙂

When you get the answer you will know it 🙂 Till then keep asking 🙂

 

Love

Kulpreeth

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Punch a tantra Part 2

I had posted the part 1 of this story long long loooooooong back , most of you might have forgotten it , so here it is re-posted for you to read 🙂 the part 2 will follow the part 1 in this same post 🙂

PART1 :

One morning when Ramesh went away for his usual morning trip to the pond, Radha had just woken up , as usual she first saw if her egg was safe , but today as the sun rays fell on the egg , Radha observed that it had cracked in places and the cracks were deepening.

Her joy knew no boundaries and she squealed out loudly for Ramesh. This was not the time the egg had to crack, why was the baby coming out early? she thought. Ramesh came running fearing an attack on his family, but what radha showed him shocked him, he was stunned. For the next 30 minutes or so both of them just sat their wings joined in prayer that the baby comes out safe, both of them were confused that the baby was coming before time. Whenever a crack would shift on the shell or something would move inside the egg , radha would shed a tear out of anxiety. After 30 minutes the egg did not crack totally , this scared them even more. They feared the worst. Radha started crying. It was Shivratri that day and the temple beside the pond was full of people offering flowers and leaves to shivji. Angi ( the temple parrot ) had told Ramesh once that The diety in the temple is called “the lord of the creation”. Not ready to accept what he was seeing he immediately flew to the inner sanctum sanctorum of the temple, many people watched in amazement as he picked up one flower from the diety and flew back to his nest. Radha was still weeping, now chimpu(the squirrel), rinki (the spider) , angi, champa ( the rat ), had gathered around the nest consoling radha .Ramesh placed the flower on the egg and stood beside his wife. Then the aarti in the temple started and as the bells started ringing the baby inside the egg started showing movement again. All their eyes widened in anticipation as to what would happen now. Radha could not take it any longer and closed her eyes, tears still trickling down her eyes. Champa and chimpu started talking.

Champa: “ And I thought only we mammals had to go through the pain of child birth, oh god, please let the baby come out fast”.

Chimpu : “ Yes , I thought egg birth would be an easy thing,just lay the egg and baby comes out , but this is too much to handle man, let the baby come out fast , I have to get ready for school .

Angi: “ Shiva Shiva! a new life is trying to enter the world and all you are bothered about is school! Go away!

Champa & chimpu : “ No we’ll wait , we want to see our new friend , we’ll wake mum and dad and come.

Rinki who was watching the whole thing hanging from her cobweb above saw movement in the pond, she saw a huge something slithering towards the nest. Her eyes widened in horror, it was a huge king cobra gracefully gliding through the water surface.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! I SEE A HUGE SNAKE COMING THIS WAY!

Radha and Ramesh were puzzled, there is no snake here in our temple vicinity, they thought. But then as the snake reached the bank they could make out that their life was in danger. They all ran for their lives , all except Radha .

Ramesh stopped and came back for her (the snake did not want to make its presence felt so quickly and was probably planning an ambush ) . Radha come on! Why are you waiting?

My baby!

Ramesh saw the pain in her eyes, the egg still lay half cracked. There is nothing we can do now radha, if we carry the egg with us it might break and the baby might DIE, its already half cracked and there is nothing we can do, please come with me, RUN!

When she heard the word DIE she closed her eyes for a fraction of a second and looked back at the egg. Still sobbing, she kept looking back at the egg, soon she was away from the nest and into safety zone of the temple where the snake would not harm them. Her crying and sobbing was drowned in the temple bells which kept ringing all the time during the aarti. The snake was waiting for it to become quite before proceeding, as the aarti ended , there was silence, he lifted his hood to look around the place, there he saw , egg shells lying in a nest , and beside the egg shells playfully playing with a flower sat the cutest thing on earth, the shell had cracked during the aarti , the baby was born! The snake gracefully approached the baby, the baby looked at it with god like innocence. Rinki who was in the web above was silently sobbing, the snake was now directly staring at the baby, the baby also looking at the snake, no fear in its eyes. Rinki ran as fast as she could to tell Radha and Ramesh what she saw, also because she did not want to see the baby die in front of her eyes.

WHO ARE YOU ? Asked the baby …

Will continue in the next post..

PART 2 :

With innocence in his eyes the baby kept looking into the eyes of the king cobra. Its mouth watering with hunger , the king cobra opened its mouth ready to gulp the baby in one go . Exposing his fangs , he bent his hood a little backward before he would strike the baby .

” KUL !!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ” , came a voice from behind , both the baby and the king cobra looked in the direction of the voice .

The voice was that of an another King cobra. It slowly arose from the pond and came to the place where Kul was with the baby swan .

“Such shameful behaviour , such a shame to be called YOUR wife Kul ” , She ( yes it was a she cobra ) said with disgust in her voice and tears in her eyes.

” I got over powered by hunger Kriti , please forgive me . I was just hungry for such a long time and looking at this new born baby I got tempted”, Kul said with sadness and guilt .

” We both decided that till we reach the temple and pray for an offspring this year we will be on a fast did we not ? And here you are killing someone else’s offspring who has just hatched , such a shame Kul!!! You don’t deserve to be called a king” , She said and walked away .

“Kriti , wait , KRITI !!! ” , went kul after her to pursuade  his wife .

Kriti went towards the pond crying , Kul followed . He managed to stop her at the bank .

” I am sorry Kriti , please stop , not for me , but our kingdom , we are both duty bound as king and queen of kashi to have an offspring this season else my brother kama will take away my throne and our kingdome will wither . Please . I got overpowered by my animal instinct . I am an animal after all what do you expect. Ha ? ” , to this kriti started laughing , it was this sense of humor and playful attitude of Kul that Kriti loved .

After repeatedly apologising , Kriti agreed to go to the temple with him.

Both of them then went towards the temple , as they passed the nest the baby called out for them.

” Who are you both ? ” He asked .

Both the snakes looked at the baby .

” My name is Kul , I am the serpent king , I rule the kingdom of kashi and this is my lovely wife Kriti ”

The baby looked at them puzzled , King , kashi , serpent , he did not know the meanings of any of these words.

” Kul , he has just hatched , he does not even know what species he belongs ” , said kriti .

She looked at him with all the love in his eyes and said ” My child , we are both called snakes , and we have come here from a far off place to pray for a cute little child like you. ”

The baby chuckled and smiled at both of them.

Both the snakes smiled back and went off to the temple that they had come to visit. There was a small shivling in the temple and a very old snake who was the priest there .

“Oh my dear children , what brings you here on this auspicious day of Shivratri ” , said the priest.

” Pandit Ji , We have not been able to give our kingdom a heir since we got married 5 years ago. Is there something wrong , or something we can do about it ? ”

Pandit Ji encircled the shivling and meditated for some time , he came out of his meditation and smiled at the both of them .

“You will definitely have a heir !!! ” He said.

Kul and Kriti exclaimed in joy .

” But your child will not be a snake ” The priest continued, ” Both of you have done immense amount of good deeds in your past lives and just because you were killed by a snake in your last life that you came to be born as snakes in this life. But your heir will not be a snake . ”

Both of them looked puzzled.

” Kriti this priest looks a little cracked up in the head . Are you sure we have to listen to him ” .

” Shut up kul , he is the same priest who got us married ” .

“Oh”, told Kul.

” Then who will be our heir ?” , asked Kriti.

“The priest again closed his eyes and meditated for some time and took one flower from the top of the shivling and gave it to both of them.

” The first infant you find who has this flower around him will be your heir ” .

” Where could we find him ? ” Asked Kul .

” He could be anywhere ” answered the priest.

Totally confused both Kul and kriti left the temple.

” WOW!!! Travel for weeks without food to reach a god forsaken temple for a boon and what does he say , go search for the child with the flower, What a waste Kriti ” Shouted Kul.

” No Kul he has at least given us a hope that we will have a child , so what if its not a snake? ”

” No , Kriti , you don’t understand , he has left us with immense possibilities to explore, What if our heir is an ant , we can’t leave our kingdom to an ant, they are the lower most strata of the society used to build our homes! , what if its an elephant ? He wont even fit in our palace, all we have is this silly white flower !!! ”

Kriti smiled at him ” Kul at least now we have a purpose to live , I don’t know about you but I will surely find out where my child is and which ever species he is , I will raise him as my very own”

Kul sensed defeat and argued no more.

Ok Lets look around then , we should start with our own kingdom , someone is bound to have this flower around them . Lets be optimistic. Om Namah shivaya!!!

Both the snakes headed towards the pond and found the baby still playing around in the nest  , The stopped by to say bye . Kul did not approach the baby for he feared he would eat him up again. Kriti approached the boy .

” Hello my child , where are your parents ? ” She asked.

” I don’t know” , he said . That other snake and you are the only two people I have met till now.

” They must be around here somewhere , you don’t leave your nest , they will come back soon , OK ? ”

” OK ” replied the baby.

Kriti was just leaving when her eyes fell on the nest , the nest had the same flower that was given to her by the priest . ( it was the same flower that Ramesh had put on the egg before it had hatched ).

With tears in her eyes she called out for Kul.

Kul the flower , our baby!!!

” What !!! What species is it ? ” , hoping that it is not a mule , rat etc he rushed forward to where the baby was.

” Both of them looked astonished that so easily they had found it , There was silence except for the baby playing in the nest ”

” What do we do now ? ” Asked Kul .

” I don’t now , Lets wait for the baby’s parents ” , kriti suggested .

No lets just take him with us , I don’t know if this child’s parents are even here . He was alone when we came and is alone still .

He began to go near the baby and just as he was about to pick him up someone came running shouting from the bushes.

“PLEASEEEEEE , LEAVE MY CHILD , EAT ME INSTEAD . PLEASEEEE . ”

Ramesh and Radha had been watching the whole scene from behind a bush, when Kul neared the baby radha could take it no longer , she rushed forward to save her baby.

Ramesh and all the animals also came running behind .

Now a whole load of animals were gathered around the nest. Radha had tears in her eyes , she was happy that her baby was still alive , but feared that she and the baby would die very soon given the presence of the snake.

Kriti came forward and said , ” My name is Kriti , I am the serpent Queen of Kashi and this is my husband , the King ,  Kul , we take a vow not to harm anyone present here , we need to talk with the parents of this child .

The swans came forward, They respected the word of the king and queen ( be it of any species ) . ” we are the parents ” They said.

The two snakes and the swans sat around the nest , the baby playing in between them.

” We want to adopt your child and raise him as our very own ” , told kriti .

……….

to be continued … 

Lots of love

Kullu 🙂

Labels are for clothes , not humans !!! Part 1

World is what we create around us , to us our world might look real and tangible. But is it really real ? 

 

For a fraction of a second Joe opened his eyes , he could feel warm blood on his face. People walked around his broken body in circles , there were 5 of them . They were talking of how to dispose Joe off ( they assumed him to be dead ).

Lets throw him off into the drain , one of them suggested. No , that would be too kind for slimy ruts like him. WHACK!! Joe felt someone kick him in the stomach. He lost consciousness . When Joe opened eyes next he saw he was falling , and then suddenly he felt water all over , he was drowning , he tried to move his hands and legs to save himself , suddenly he saw everything around him was becoming red. his broken hands and legs were bleeding due to movement. The pain that followed caused blurring of sight . After some time Joe gave up . He closed his eyes and waited for the life in him to leave him . ” So it all has to end like this ” , he thought as he sinked deeper into the water . His whole life flashed in front of his eyes like a movie. If only I was not gay , would I die this way ? He thought and smiled to himself.

 

 

20 years ago :

Little Joe enjoyed going to school . He was not a very bright student. He was not good at making new friends , he had few friends and he would share everything with them . He would never doubt or be skeptic about meeting new people . Little did he know that this nature of his would majorly alter his life. One day while walking back from school , he saw a couple of boys by the alley , he did not pay much attention to them , they called out for him , he walked towards them , he realized they were the guys from grade 10 of his school .  ” Hey Joe , how was your day ? ” One of them asked . Joe just smiled not knowing what to reply. Then suddenly they started kissing each other. Joe thought this was the time to leave and with noiseless baby steps he started walking backwards, one of the guys ( Billy ) noticed this and called out for Joe , ” Hey Joe its nothing wrong we are doing . It is just an expression of showing love and greeting each other , come here ill show you. He came forward and kissed Joe. Joe did not have time to react . Before he could do or say anything he was kissed. Billy then gave him a candy and told him that it was a gift for him . The innocent Joe took the candy and smiled at them and left the place.

 

 

… to be continued …..

 

Jai Guru Deva

Kullu 🙂

Words , meaning , laughter !!!

The Yes!+ course in Vidya Nagar started yesterday.We started to work for this course from December 22nd 2011 .This course was scheduled to begin on 17th January, 2012 and due to various reasons it got postponed and finally started yesterday. There are 14 people on the workshop and a lot of things came up in me while I was working for the course. Its funny how things just go out of hand when you start arranging all the pieces of the jigsaw to make a beautiful picture.

At the end of everyday I sat on the bed and introspected, what did I do during the day, how did I make myself useful to others , have I done anything wrong during the day , how can I make myself better etc etc. Believe me it is not an easy task !!! There have been times when I was not aware of what I am talking , I also refused to listen to people and made them angry , I deliberately hurt them in many ways to let out my frustration , to put in a nutshell it was a roller coaster ride 😉 . Introspection was the most difficult part of all. Finding something to criticize in others is a cakewalk for me ( hehe ), but finding something to criticize in my own actions was not a child’s play ( it was an undertaker play !!! ) . This introspection brought in such frustration in me , but frustration only lasted till I accepted it and did something about it. Till I accepted it,I was a volcano who would rarely explode on others but mostly I burned in my own lava of anger , dissappointment , pain . You’ll not believe , one morning I got up and went into my balcony and wrapped my face in my towel ( so others don’t hear me crying 😀 ) and just cried and cried to let out all that was there inside. Still I went through all of it ( *applauze* ) with a faith that may be at the end of it something good will happen to me or at least to someone else .

Then towards the end ( i.e. two three days before the course ) I started to observe a sense of peace and calm in me. Things were not happening on the outside but the effect that had on me from inside was improving drastically. People who tried to push my buttons lost miserably, I was just not responding to them like before. I kept a serious face in front of them but inside I was smiling ( yay !!! this is not shaking me as much as it did before I thought !!! ) . Slowly and gradually the volcano in me was becoming a fountain of joy ( What a line this is !!! I just came up with it … clap please !!! ) . Once I realized this I had so much fun doing everything . It was amazing. The fun inside manifested around me also. Yesterday after the course I had a laughter filled dinner with three yes!+ teachers two devas and one devi . We called random friends and told them deep knowledge on the phone as a result of which we were eating less and laughing more. Truly it is said that laughter is the best medicine 😀 . Looking back at all the volcanic activity in my mind I just laughed it out over food last night !!! and it felt really really good. Any amount of money cannot give this kind of feeling 🙂 Its just a beautiful beautiful world is all I want to say and end this post !!!

 

P.S –  If you are wondering why randomly the photos of three people find their place in this blogpost , then FYI they are the two devas and the devi I was talking about in the post.

Lots of love

Kulpreeth. 🙂

Love is doing unnecessary things …

Nikki is a small 5 years child , she goes to a play school . On the entrance to the play school nikki walks inside with cute little baby steps , her water bottle hanging around her neck. Then an another kid comes crying into the school , nikki looks at him , the kid stops crying , noticing that kids around him are not crying. His name is Preeth.   Nikki and Preeth gaze into each others eyes for sometime . Then nikki smiles and preeth also smiles. She stretches her hand forward , he holds her hand and walks happily into the school , eyes still wet and twinkling with tears but a smile on the face …

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– LOVE IS DOING UNNECESSARY THINGS ~!!!!!!!

Yesterday Bawa wrote this line on twitter and I could immediately relate to it 🙂 I really felt stupid doing few things in my life , but now I understand that they are out of love …

 

 

Love

me 🙂

A stranger who refused to break my heart :)

Thanks to my recent accident my means of transport to wander around the city has been mainly the city bus and auto . While I have had my share of not so good experiences with buses and autos . Here is one special incident I would like to share.

I was dropped by my friend Dixit somewhere in Nallakunta.  I had a choice to take a bus from there or to hop in an auto. I chose the latter and went to an auto guy . He looked old and I thought he is also a smoker . Smoking and tobacco chewing auto walas are last on my priority list ( to be boarded only if no other auto in sight and/or in extreme emergency!! ). I  asked him if he can take me to my place. He told NO . I pacified myself thinking this guy has no punya for me to board his auto 😀 , I looked at him and was turning towards the road to look for the other autos when he said ” Theek hai aayie , Aapka Dil mai nahi todoonga “( Ok come , I don’t want to break your heart ) and he gave me a big smile. Wonder struck at what he had just said, I got into his auto . While we were travelling he told me that he was a muslim and he was all praise for the traditions and practices of sikkhism ( the religion that I followed ) , he spoke which such humility and tenderness , he told that he often visits a gurudwara , the best part was he was always smiling while talking .  Then he asked me about my education , I told him I have passed engineeering . He told me in in his nawabi islamic style ” Mubarak ho apko , bohot bohot mubarak ho , Allah ka lakh lakh shukar hai ki aap pass ho gaye” ( Congratulations , many many congratulations , my gratitude to Allah that you passed it ), the way he congratulated me , he really really meant it , I was moved ( till now it was only me thanking God that I passed engineering , this uncle was the first one to thank God for my passing 😀 ). Then with immense pride and a twinkle in the eyes he told me ” Sahab , mai bhi 10th pass hoon ” ( Sir , I have also passed 10th class ) . Then he told that after that he stopped studying to serve his grandfather , he told that his grandfather had taught him a lot about human values , he told me that his grandfather used to tell him only one thing and that was that we should never break anyone’s heart . He told after his grandfather passed away he came to city to look for a job and now is driving an auto since 15 years. I was silently listening . He told his son is in 12th standard and studies quite well. Showing all his 32 teeth in the rear view mirror he told me ” Sahab , my son has told me not to worry and that he will pass for sure and be a good human being in life” . This time I said ” Mubarak ho apko , bohot bohot mubarak ho ” . He told “Shukriya shukriya “.

Then we both were silent for the rest of the journey. I could not help but wonder about this angelic auto uncle, every word he spoke was from the heart, he was always smiling , he was so forthcoming , he was grateful to God for what he had and also he thanked God for what I achieved . I began to ask myself … Is money the thing we need in life ? Is poverty just about one’s financial status or just a state of mind ? I would say that in no regard I saw this uncle as a poor person, according to me he was more rich than many rich people I know.

My thoughts were interrupted when my house came. The fare was around 30 rs , I promptly took out a 50rs note and gave it to him , thanked him for the ride and walked away, he looked at the meter , then at the 50rs note and shouted a loud ” Thank you Sahab ” from his auto. I waved him goodbye and walked into my apartment with a smile 🙂 Then I realised that I Should have at least asked his name. Mentally I decided that I will write about this stranger who refused to break my heart , and here it is now for you to read 🙂

Lots of love

Kulpreeth 🙂

Full stop ~~~!!!

Why do I feel scared to talk about what I have inside ? Why do I feel that I am something less than others ? Why I am I so sure of failing ? Why do I lie ? Why do I not speak up for myself ? Why do I always doubt  ? Why do I think so much ? Why do people spit on the road ? Why don’t my parents understand what I want to say ? Why do people laugh at me ? Why do I not get to do what I want to do ? Why do I behave like a coward ? Why do I not feel the same level of connection with everyone ? Why do I don’t like cricket ? Why Do I always think about what others will think ? Why am I not natural at all places at all times ? Why do I think doing an IT job is worse than suicide ? Why do I feel jealous when other people behave very closely to my close friends ? Why do I plan and plan and plan and don’t work according to the plan? Why do I always want to do what my father is telling me not to do ? Why do I want so much attention all the time ? Why am I existing at all ? Why don’t people accept me as I am ? Why are enuchs so scary ? Why do people want you to be something and will not like it when you are something else ? Why does my whole being pull me towards a satsang even if it means compromise on any other work I am doing ? Why do I long to see my guru ? Why do sanskrit sounds make me jump with joy from within ? Why do I always want to give and give and give ? Why does my bhaiya not live in hyderabad 😥 ? Why are people so ignorant about themselves and their surroundings ? Why am I always unsure about where my life will go and how will it be ? Why do I feel I cannot live without some people in my life ? Why Why Why ???

When so many whys come into my life I think I need to be silent for some time …

In turmoil and confusion !!!

Kul .

The lost world

I have lost track of how many things I have lost in recent past. A lot of things ( especially electronic gadgets ) run away from me just like that . So now I sit here to recall what all I have lost and which of the events involved mistake from my side and which were God’s mistakes and may be at the end of the post we can together find a solution(s) to the problem ( you can contribute by commenting your solutions 😀 )  . So lets start.

Pencils , tiffin box , erasers , notebooks and all insignificant things lost during childhood are purely God’s mistake. When a child , God is given full responsibility of the kid when parents are not around. Although now I say that these things are insignificant, I was made to realize their significance the hard way ( read scoldings from mom 😀 ) . Life moves on and  it gets bigger and better they say , for me this statement prevailed even in the lost world. I lost bigger and better things as I grew up.

PUC came into my life and by this time I was extra careful not to lose things and wanted to get out of this lost world. I proudly announce that I did not lose as much as a small sharpener during my PUC but the God of this lost world did not want to lose me . ( Note : The following lines carry immense gyaan and some pleasantly alarming confessions, any conclusions you draw from them will be at your own risk , please don’t! ok ) . From materialistic things , my habit of losing explored unknown territories. I began to lose things at a subtle level … love , trust , faith , virginity, confidence, self-esteem to name a few. In the past I  felt bad when I lost something that could be bought back , I knew that I could  always buy the things in future , but when I began to lose these things ( subtle ones ) , I had no idea how to get them back , I later realized that some things belonged to the ” once lost never come back ” category, so as a result misery deepened. Now come to think of it most of the things I lost here were my mistake and not God’s , so now that these things have come to pass, I feel it is only right to take responsibility for them and move on ( I told you there will be hard core gyaan 😀 ). Also before this when things I lost were God’s mistake I did not worry that I have done something wrong, and things got fixed on their own. And when I see this phase of my life where I have lost subtle things , I see that God has helped me to some extent to get them back, of course except the ” Once lost never come back ” things . ( moral of the story : don’t feel bad for too long when you lose things , God/higher power/anything higher than your existence 😀 will generally give it back when the time is right ).

Time passed and I came into engineering , here my normal routine of losing material stuff resumed, I lost cellphones (  many of them ), pens , handkerchiefs, laptop , mp3 player , library cards ,  also I began to lose little subtle stuff here and there (  like friends , interest in life etc ). Thanks to the Guru in my life , I also started to lose the right things in my life,  I lost fear , doubts , pity , lust , laziness. This was the shift that happened in the four years of my engineering . Although these subtle things came back again and again in my life I acquired the skill to lose the ones that did no good to me and keep the nice ones 🙂 . After a point of time I started to be indifferent to the things I lost. Before I would boil in anger and frustration and suspect/blame people who I thought would likely be responsible for my loss. Now even when I find out who excatly is responsible for my loss I think of forgiving them , then after a mind battle of like one minute or so I do forgive them ( * take a bow * ). Also I feel bad for very little time now and whine less at my loss.

Till here is my thesis on what is my contribution to the lost world ( as my life is still not over the thesis is still a ” WORK IN PROGRESS”) . While I am still losing things the problem remains that the materialistic things still run away from me 😦 . I sit here and wonder … Am I careless ? Am I not aware of my surroundings ? My insides answer NO! they say somethings are just meant to be . Just go on . Do I listen to my insides or not ? What do you think ?

Punch a tantra …

One morning when Ramesh went away for his usual morning trip to the pond, Radha had just woken up , as usual she first saw if her egg was safe , but today as the sun rays fell on the egg , Radha observed that it had cracked in places and the cracks were deepening .

 Her joy knew no boundaries and she squealed out loudly for Ramesh. This was not the time the egg had to crack, why was the baby coming out early? she thought. Ramesh came running fearing an attack on his family, but what radha showed him shocked him, he was stunned. For the next 30 minutes or so both of them just sat their wings joined in prayer that the baby comes out safe, both of them were confused that the baby was coming before time. Whenever a crack would shift on the shell or something would move inside the egg , radha would shed a tear out of anxiety. After 30 minutes the egg did not crack totally , this scared them even more. They feared the worst. Radha started crying. It was Shivratri that day and the temple beside the pond was full of people offering flowers and leaves to shivji. Angi ( the temple parrot ) had told Ramesh once that The diety in the temple is called “the lord of the creation”. Not ready to accept what he was seeing he immediately flew to the inner sanctum sanctorum of the temple, many people watched in amazement as he picked up one flower from the diety and flew back to his nest. Radha was still weeping, now chimpu( the squirrel), rinki (the spider) , angi, champa ( the rat ), had gathered around the nest consoling radha .Ramesh placed the flower on the egg and stood beside his wife. Then the aarti in the temple started and as the bells started ringing the baby inside the egg started showing movement again. All their eyes widened in anticipation as to what would happen now. Radha could not take it any longer and closed her eyes, tears still trickling down her eyes. Champa and chimpu started talking.

Champa: “ And I thought only we mammals had to go through the pain of child birth, oh god, please let the baby come out fast”.

Chimpu : “ Yes , I thought egg birth would be an easy thing,just lay the egg and baby comes out , but this is too much to handle man, let the baby come out fast , I have to get ready for school .

Angi: “ Shiva Shiva! a new life is trying to enter the world and all you are bothered about is school! Go away!

Champa & chimpu : “ No we’ll wait , we want to see our new friend , we’ll wake mum and dad and come.

 Rinki who was watching the whole thing hanging from her cobweb above saw movement in the pond, she saw a huge something slithering towards the nest. Her eyes widened in horror, it was a huge king cobra gracefully gliding through the water surface.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! I SEE A HUGE SNAKE COMING THIS WAY!

Radha and Ramesh were puzzled, there is no snake here in our temple vicinity, they thought. But then as the snake reached the bank they could make out that their life was in danger. They all ran for their lives , all except Radha .

 Ramesh stopped and came back for her (the snake did not want to make its presence felt so quickly and was probably planning an ambush ) . Radha come on! Why are you waiting?

My baby!

Ramesh saw the pain in her eyes, the egg still lay half cracked. There is nothing we can do now radha, if we carry the egg with us it might break and the baby might DIE, its already half cracked and there is nothing we can do, please come with me, RUN!

 When she heard the word DIE she closed her eyes for a fraction of a second and looked back at the egg. Still sobbing, she kept looking back at the egg, soon she was away from the nest and into safety zone of the temple where the snake would not harm them. Her crying and sobbing was drowned in the temple bells which kept ringing all the time during the aarti. The snake was waiting for it to become quite before proceeding, as the aarti ended , there was silence, he lifted his hood to look around the place, there he saw , egg shells lying in a nest , and beside the egg shells playfully playing with a flower sat the cutest thing on earth, the shell had cracked during the aarti , the baby was born! The snake gracefully approached the baby, the baby looked at it with god like innocence. Rinki who was in the web above was silently sobbing, the snake was now directly staring at the baby, the baby also looking at the snake, no fear in its eyes. Rinki ran as fast as she could to tell Radha and Ramesh what she saw, also because she did not want to see the baby die in front of her eyes.

WHO ARE YOU UNCLE? Asked the baby …

Will continue in the next post..

 

Love

Kullu 🙂

P.S –  Please suggest a name for the baby. ( Its a swan baby and its a boy , so please suggest accordingly )

Life in a BMW – 2

This is a continuation of part-1

Day 4: The day I almost got thrown out of the BMW : Thursday. When I woke up , I could not wait to go to the lab and work. After Kriya and ONS the morning session went as expected. Both my talking friends did not surface till afternoon ( Mr. Kama and Mr.Attachement  tried to come in but when I showed them how mercilessly they were defeated yesterday and the day before , they never showed up 😀 ). However while I was working in the afternoon session , the assistant announced the attendance status, after which I realized that everyone in my lab will be done with their project by the 12th of may, while I was still in the phase 1 of my project and had to stay much longer than them. Atmosphere was jubiliant in the lab, everyone was celebrating and talking out their happiness that at last it is over, amidst happy discussions involving future plans , job , going back home, I found that only one person was talking to me.

The small mind said : “ You have still not completed your project, you have a lot to do , the lab is going to end in a few days , how will you cover your attendance, how will you do your project, you have nothing to look forward after this project , neither do you have a job nor any internship, also you failed in the CEED exam . What makes you think you’ll be able to do anything at all in a month. You are not like gourav or sudeshna , look at them. They are your best friends , they live, eat , drink etc with you and see what all they have achieved and look at yourself… SUCH A FAIL!

Tears rolled down my eyes and I waited for the BIG MIND to tell something, but his voice did not come. Work was halted and the small mind kept repeating the same thing again and again. Not knowing what to do I sent sms to my friends who according to me already lived in a BMW and hoping that the replies they send will help me get my BMW back. I got replies from few of them. The replies were as follows:

“ Be calm and study!! “

“ future ki baat chodo … “

“ Now whatever has happened you have to accept that its due to some reason of yours. But now you cannot help it. So work day and night until you complete your work. I don’t think it would take much time provided you work non-stop without thinking about anything else. Mark zukerberg was ready with the layout of facebook in one week, Euler did inventions at a rate of 5 per week, Einstien wrote down all his work within a timespan of one year. Impossible is nothing. Forget everything else .“

“ penance , dispassion, surrender, all these three will purify your mind and uplift you in joy .“

I read these smses but they helped only a little. One lab session got wasted and with tears in eyes I headed back home. While I was on my way back home wind brought with a very small dried dead leaf and it skillfully entered my eye( I wear spects and its difficult for anything to enter my eye) .

I tried removing this little foreign body that had entered my eye. Now one of my eye was watering and the pain brought a headache. For half an hour I was rubbing my eye and helplessly tried to take the leaf off my eye. It did not budge. Then came the sweetest voice of my life

BIG MIND : “WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE WHILE THE LEAF WAS IN YOUR EYE? “

NO!

When I said  “NO” , a sense of security came, I should not think anything while doing my project, that’s it! Voila! I was back in the BMW, this time sure enough that I will not be thrown out. Although one session got wasted, the leaf in the eye taught me more than anything in the world.

With this new reinforced seatbelt in my BMW I looked forward to the last two days of my challenge.

Day 5 : 5th Gear in my BMW . Friday. When I woke up today , kriya and ONS happened with a smile on my face. I headed for my lab. This was the other batch( the extra batch that I was attending). Attendance was announced in this lab also. The students broke into a song “ alvida alvida , tujhe kehna aur kya” to express their joy that the project is getting over. This time my small mind did not talk, neither did my BIG MIND.I found myself doing my work, but I did not do it quietly. I also joined in the chorus of the song and work happened simultaneously. It was so much fun! I could see my BIG MIND proudly smiling at me. Afternoon session happened in silence and the day ended.

Day 6: My BMW reached home. Saturday.

Today was the last day of my challenge . I had done it. When I sat for work in the lab I saw that the target had been completed last evening. I thanked BMW for not only guiding me throughout but also giving me one day off! My spirits had never been so high inside a classroom. I never felt so good about myself. Deciding that I will write about the week I sat down to write yesterday morning and here is the story . Full and complete for you 🙂 I feel like the Buddha , who was first coloured with all the obstacles from outside, but now the BMW has cleaned it all .

Now all this BMW life that I got to live for the past week did not happen due to some magic potion, but due to three magical beings Priya Subramaniam , Sudeshna Koka , Gourav Mahapatra. Inspiration to take this step to enter the BMW came from them. They look quite chilled out ( see their photos down ) and cool in the photos , but these people unleash deadly dedication when it comes to completing the work that they take up. It is something to watch them sacrifice sleep , hunger , friends , mobile phone , facebook ! 😀 and work with a unwavering one pointedness towards their goal. From sources of jealousy ( small mind ) these people have now become a source of inspiration for me ( BMW effect ) , not because they are awesome at what they do , but while they are busy being awesome they have touched my life in a very important way, which gave me hope that I can be like them. A little bit about them and how they have touched my life is as follows:

Priya   – A fantastic Yes!+ teacher,a  pass out from MICA, a trained bharatnatyam dancer, sings quite well , troubleshoots as easily as we breath , to put it in one sentence dynamism rules her existence. She is also going to dance in the world’s largest festival, its going to take place in an olympic stadium in berlin. something cool about her is written in an international website. The website is here ( go to the yoga and meditation section ) . To know more about the festival click here. She also has a super cool blog.

Priyamani

How she touched my life : “Only dumb people fail kull , and I know you are not dumb, I have seen you do things and you are super smart!“ this one sentence is one of the reasons I thought I can be in the BMW . Thank you didi 🙂

Sudeshna –  A journalist(to be), head of a college club called NEEM , is the student representative of the placement cell of her college, got a job which paid her  Rs 50,000 per month ( the highest any student got offered in the history of the institution), hard work ( not heamoglobin) flows inside her, she will stretch herself to the breaking point to get the work done.

sudeshna

How she touched my life : “ There is no need for you to worry , we all love you the way you are and you are perfect the way you are.” These words opened up something in me, the major reason why I am in the BMW.

Gourav Mahapatra : A student in MIT, he sings , plays guitar , paints(  the Buddha picture in this post is his creation ), swims , plays badminton , is among the toppers of his class, for now his purpose of life is to launch a 10cm-by-10cm-by-15cm box into the outer space.

Gourav

How he touched my life : “ Bhaiya , you are intelligent. Just wake up and see and do work.” The respect he has for me (even thought I might not have achieved 0 .1% of what he has) is the driving force that keeps me in the BMW. And this person kindles the confidence in me that even if I stumble sometime I will be back in the BMW ( he also happens to stumble out of the BMW sometimes but then I will bring him back in :D) .

Love

Kullu